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The 5 Types of Conflict Fighter Language

Feb 10, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on The 5 Types of Conflict Fighter Language

Conflict, Communication, & Connection

 

“Conflict & Closeness”
Not only do you need to know your love language, but you also need to know your Conflict Fighter Language. How you fight and confront conflict is just as important as how you love. The way you fight and confront conflict may be what is disrupting your love connection in your marriage. Believe it or not, conflict can bring about closeness in marriage if done properly. Conflict allows you and your spouse the honest opportunity to deal with marital issues.

Fighting is Passionate Communication

 

How men and women understand and verbalize conflict is inherently different. Until we understand the language of conflict, we will not be able to resolve the issues in our marriages. Not only do you need to know your Conflict Fighter Language, but you also need to know your spouse’s as well. If both of you know and use properly the Conflict Fighter Language of each other then you will not have to have explosive arguments continually, but rather you will know how to communicate more effectively the issues of your marriage.

 

Women: Feelings vs. Commands

 

Women are led by emotions in most areas of their lives. This is also true when it comes to conflict. Women want to be felt and heard from the heart when dealing with conflict. The most effective way for a husband to be able to communicate with his wife is through the area of emotions and feelings. Although this is the complete opposite of how men view communication and conflict, men tend to look at this from the angle of commands and not feelings.

 

Husbands, it does not matter when loving your spouse how you interpret love, communication, and conflict, what matters is you being able to put yourself aside and focus on them and their needs. When we only focus on how we do something and want something then we are selfish. Marriage is about sacrifice, and not selfishness!

 

Men: Commands vs. Feelings
Men are led by commands (actions) that are tangible and can be gagged by achievement in the various areas of their lives. This is very true in the area of conflict. Men hate emotions and feelings being the driving force of any conversation. The most effective way for a wife to communicate with her husband is not to allow her emotions and feelings to lead her, but rather focus on the issue at hand, and to bring tangible action steps to resolve the issues.
Wives, I am not telling you not to feel or be emotional, but don’t let your words be only feelings and emotions when dealing with your spouse. Put your feelings and emotions aside and focus on what your husband is saying and not interpret everything as “hurt feelings” and as him being insensitive, but rather he is just direct and deals with the issues head on and not heart on!

The Five (5) Types of Conflict Fighters:

 

The Confronter:

 

 confront

The Confronter is one who uses a tell-it-like-it-is approach when dealing with conflict. The Confronter is good in that they do not allow issues to linger and they are not afraid of admitting that something is wrong in the relationship. Confronters don’t allow simple things to become terminal because they confront them at the onset.
The problem with the Confronter arises in that they tend to confront the individual rather than the issues, and they tend to think everything that their spouse does is a problem. The Confronter has to learn that some things are not issues and that they need to get over them rather than confront them.

The Competitor:

 

 Picture1

 

The Competitor is one who would rather be right than actually resolve the issue at hand. The competitor is only concerned with getting their point across and approved as the right idea. The competitor is selfish in that they are not concerned with their spouse’s point-of-view. A competitor is the person who stands in front of the mirror and practices what they are going to say. It is all about winning and not getting to a place of agreement and resolution.

 

The Controller:

 

 fight

 

 

The Controller has a no-holds-barred stance when dealing with conflict, and they dominant the entire conversation. They also resort to bullying when they confront issues. They are very accusatory when they communicate. They only tend to say, “You_____________ rather than I or we. They tend not to take responsibility for their own actions, but always make their spouse feel at fault.  They also resort to yelling a lot, standing or towering over their spouses, and getting right in their face to dominant.

 

The Crier:

 

 

 Picture2

 

The Crier does the Bait-&-Switch method when it comes to deflecting and transferring emotions to their spouse. The crier tries to use excessive emotions to bring an end to a conflict or not to have the conversation at all. The crier makes it all about them, stresses how mean their spouse is, and accuses them of hurting their feelings. The crier tends to play the victim role rather than trying to achieve victory for the marriage. Although it is good to show passion and emotion when communicating, the crier takes this to the extreme and uses their emotions to their advantage.

 

The Closet:

 

 

 closet

 

The Closet Confrontation Fighter allows issues to lurk behind the scenes of closet doors. The out-of-sight-out-of-mind and sweep it all underneath the rug mentality. There actually is no confronting of issues. When the Closet Confrontation Fighter finally and actually does say something, it is explosive because they have suppressed their feelings for so long. They bring up stuff from the past and become very accusatory of many things. They also tend to blame their spouse for everything.

 

The closet fighter tends to think they are doing their spouse and marriage a favor by not stirring the hornet’s nest of issues and just letting things ride when they don’t like something. This is good in moderation, but in the end, it can be detrimental. A closet fighter can come across as one who is dishonest because they are not truthfully sharing how they really feel about the marriage and their spouse.

 

Love Assignment: This week identify your Conflict Fighter Type. Take a good assessment in how you can improve your communication skills when dealing with conflict in your marriage. Next, ask your spouse their Conflict Fighter Type and how you can better communicate with them so that you can have conflict that brings closeness rather than division.

 

Stand In My Shoes: Try this method to better understanding your spouse. Seriously, literally get a pair of your shoes out, put them by your spouse’s feet, and then allow your spouse to put their shoes by your feet.  Look at and examine the differences that you and your spouse bring to your marriage. The uniqueness of both of you is what makes your marriage strong. Understand that you can’t fit your spouse’s shoes (role/place) and they can’t fit yours, but together you both make the perfect fit.

 

 

*Remember, the next time you want to judge and criticize your spouse rather than understand them and make resolve of your issues then you will have to walk in their shoes.

 

The copyrighted material from this teaching are excerpts from author Tashara Luster’s soon to be released book:

THE TOTAL MARRIAGE

Copyright. ©Tashara Luster. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without consent.

 

Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 9, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series…

Communication & Conflict

 

 

  

Listen to This Great Broadcast About Communication & Conflict

By Pastor Tina & Elder Gary McCrea

 

Click Here:

 

 

 

Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 8, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series…

embrace

 

 

 

 

Our Needs, Our Marriage

 

In our final installment of this series, we are going to talk about the overall most important aspects of the marriage. In the first two parts, we talked about the overall needs of the spouses, but today, we will talk about the overall needs of the marriage. In order for success to happen in the totality of your relationship, each spouse has to meet the needs of the other spouse and the marriage. Some may be confused as to what the difference is.

There will be days that you do not like your spouse, but you are committed to the vows of marriage. Marriage is a covenant, and according to the very definition of covenant especially in biblical terms, it can only be broken in death. Nothing should break a covenant and a covenant stands no matter what, and the only release is death. So, when life gets hard and you and your spouse can’t agree, lean on the covenant promises of your marriage vows.

Marriage is the habitation, atmosphere, commitment, and the home of the relationship. Marriage is the house that your relationship lives in. Marriage is your Residence! Even when you or your spouse don’t, can’t, or even mess up meeting each other’s needs, you still remain committed to the marriage and the person. Each spouse’s needs are their wants and desires, but the marriage is your foundational covenant promise that you have made.

The vows that you made on your wedding day, you first made them to God. Yes, you made the promise to God to commit your life forever to the person you have chosen to marry.  When hardships, selfishness, trials, financial woes, infertility, distractions, and just life cause you to be distant and pulled away emotionally from your spouse, then remember the marriage. Remember the vows, remember the promises, and remember your commitment! When you remember something, it is more than just a thought, but it is an action of doing something!

You can’t change your spouse, but you can change the atmosphere of your marriage by staying faithful to your commitment and meeting your spouse’s needs on a daily basis. You and your spouse might get sick, go broke, and have bad days, but that does not mean your marriage has to be sick, broken, and bad! Remain committed and God will Reward your Covenant!

 

The Needs of the Marriage:

  • Spiritual Commitment
  • Family Commitment
  • Purpose Commitment

 

Spiritual Commitment: Each spouse must be committed to the spiritual aspect of their marriage, first on an individual basis to their personal relationship to God, and then to the spiritual atmosphere of the marriage.  Commit to praying together, doing a devotion, going to church, joining a marriage ministry, going to a marriage conference, and especially having a spiritual couple to mentor you. The key word to the spiritual commitment is devotion. Setting time a part to make sure you ask God into the life of your marriage daily.

Family Commitment:  Both spouses have to be committed to raising their kids together. There should be an agreement that no one parent does it all. You are to parent together and spend quality family time each week. Commit to eating dinner together throughout the week. Commit to family schedules. Be present it the home and at the kids’ school and extracurricular events. Especially commit to doing family night without electronics, get the conversation started at your home with your kids and find out what is going on in their lives.

Purpose Commitment: Every person has a purpose and so does every marriage. It is not just to be happy, but your marriage has a bigger impact to make on the world and to leave a legacy. You and your spouse should have a vision/mission statement for your marriage. When you have a set vision and mission, you will see the dreams of your purpose fulfilled. Your marriage should be one that gives back and inspires others. What is the purpose/significance of your marriage?

Love Assignments: (1) Commit to praying for your spouse this week. Send your spouse a spiritual/inspirational card, email, letter, or devotion this week. (2) Have family night this week…eat at the dinner table, talk, play games, watch a movie, and get reconnected with your kids. (3) Ask your spouse, “What are your dreams?” Moreover, write them down. Write-out a vision/mission statement for your marriage. Define the purpose/significance for your marriage and start living it out! Find a way for the two of you (your family) to be a blessing to another family this week!

 

“Marriage is Where His Needs & Her Needs Become Our Needs & Commitment”

 

Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 7, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series…

His Needs Her Needs Pic 2014

 

 

 

His Needs & Her Needs

 

Today, we will discuss His Needs & Her Needs of marriage. In order for a marriage to be all that it can be and before two individuals can become truly intimate in oneness there must be an understanding of each spouse’s needs, and a willingness to fulfill them.

Now, you and your spouse love one another, but how you arrive at expressing that love and what you need from the love of the marriage is very different. Don’t worry it is supposed to be this way. You and your spouse are inherently different. You have a man and a woman who were raised differently and whose families expressed love in very different ways. These differences don’t have to divide in a marriage, but if celebrated and embraced they can become the glue to keeping you together in a long lasting love affair with one another.

The His & Her Needs that we will discuss come from my own research and those of marriage therapists and various psychologists. I encourage you and your spouse to make your own list and to add to the one we will discuss over the next few weeks.

Often when couples discuss the various aspects of their marriage, they sit and talk with one another as if they were in a board meeting. We need to make marriage fun even when we have to deal with issues in marriage. So, this week when you are going over your list of needs, I want you to stand in the bathroom together in front of the mirror and talk. This is your Love Assignment for the week!

 

His Needs

Her Needs

Respect Loving Security
Sex Meaningful Communication
Fun/Recreational Time with Wife Affection

 

His: If you look at the list, you see that the top three (3) needs of each spouse are totally different. Our goal is not to point out the differences, but to focus on meeting our spouse’s needs. First, a man needs Respect. Respect to a man is honor. A man does not always have to feel/be right, but he does have to feel that you believe in him. Respect to a man from you is based in the way you talk to him, treat him in public, and honor him in front of your children. A man does not constantly want to feel challenged in his authority, but rather respected for being a man and especially the head of his household.

Hers: A Woman’s primary need is for her husband to Love her and give her Loving Security. Being loving is kindness, warmth, and heartfelt appreciation of her. A woman has to have security in the love and commitment of her husband in order to be vulnerable and really be able to express herself completely. A woman has to feel loved by her husband; she has to know she is a priority in his life and that he only desires her.

#2 His: Sex! A husband has to have physical connection with his wife on a regular basis. Sexual intimacy makes a husband feel connected to his wife, and this makes him feel loved. This is not only a need, but a deep desire of a husband to have his wife want to be sexual with him and initiate these encounters.

#2 Her: Meaningful Communication! A husband has to communicate with his wife. Not just the run-of-the-mill conversation, but deep meaningful conversation. A wife needs for her husband to open up to her and to initiate these conversations. A wife needs loving words of appreciation from her husband.

#3 His: Fun/Recreational Time with his Wife! A husband needs friendship with his wife. Although his enjoys hanging out with his guy friends, he also desires to spend recreational time with his wife. Men need adventures and they want to have fun with their wives. Wives should show an interest and willingness to learn about the various things that their husbands enjoy. So, the way to his heart is through heart-stopping adventure sometimes.

#3 Her: Affection! Women need non-sexual affection from their husbands. A wife wants hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubs, foot massages, and other tender moments from her husband. A wife needs her husband to appreciate her physically without always expecting sex to be the outcome. A wife wants her husband to make her feel beautiful through affection.

This Week’s Love Assignment: Husbands this week make it all about your wife and shower her with loving security, meaningful communication, and affection! Make sure she knows how much you love and appreciate her. Every day set aside at least 15-30mins and focus on talking with your wife. Every day give her some type of affection either a hug, kiss, foot massage, back rub, and hand holding without any expectation of sex as an outcome.

This Week’s Love Assignment: Wives respect your husband this week, and make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. Find unique ways to honor him this week. No negative comments to him or about him, but only words of affirmation. Even get the kids involved in honoring their father. Wives initiate sex this week with your husband. Do romantic gestures for him, wear his favorite outfit, perfume, and cook his favorite meal. Plan something fun for just the two of you. Get involved and get interested in the sports, tv shows, outings, and adventures your husband enjoys.

 

His Needs & Her Needs

Part#2

 

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband

(1 Corinthians 7:3 NKJV).

 

Marriage is not 50/50… it is 100/100! You have to give a hundred percent (100%) in order for marriage to work and for it to be fruitful and satisfying. Even when we go over the list of His Needs & Her Needs this is not a license for you to say, “My Wife didn’t give me sex last night, so I don’t have to give her meaningful conversation and affection today!” Moreover, “My husband didn’t give me loving security so I am definitely not going to have sex with him tonight and meet his needs!” Marriage is Sacrifice; it is sometimes giving when there is nothing given back in return. Marriage is managing and having realistic expectations!

Yes, I am saying that if your spouse does not fulfill your needs, you still have to fulfill theirs. I know that hurts, but how much more will your marriage suffer if both of you gives nothing? Keep loving, praying, and giving to your spouse and being the best example you can be. Soon they will have to return love for love.

If each spouse seeks to meet the other’s needs and not focus on getting his or her own needs met, then marriage would be completely satisfying. Even if your spouse messes up when they are trying to meet your needs still praise their efforts. We are all students of love. No one is an expert, but every day we must be willing to show up and learn more than the day before. From this day forward, express to your spouse your needs, but Focus on meeting their needs.

 

Love in Marriage is Living Out What You have Learned about your Spouse!

 

Love Assignment: This week take the conversation outside! Go for a walk, sit on the patio, or do a picnic in the backyard or the park. Get out and talk it out!

His Needs:

  • Domestic Partnership
  • Loyalty/Support
  • To Make His Wife Happy

Her Needs:

  • Domestic Partnership
  • Security/Trust
  • Romance

Domestic Partnership: Many of you probably saw that men and women both want domestic partnership and thought, “we match on something!” Wrong! Yes, we all want the outcome of domestic partnership, but how we get to it as men and women is totally different. A man’s idea of domestic partnership is a well managed home that is clean with well-behaved children. It is a need that a husband comes home to a safe haven (castle), and not a torture chamber.

Now women want the same thing, but not the overwhelming responsibility of having to do it all by themselves. Here lies the difference between the two: men want it, but women feel they have to do it by themselves. So in order to have domestic partnership husbands and wives must work together in managing and achieving a prosperous and peaceful home. Women want men to help and take the initiative to making their home the best it can be by cleaning, cooking, and managing with the kids.

 

Loyalty/Support:

Allow Him to Fail! What? Yes! A man wants to be made to feel he is a man and that means even when he has failed at something. It is not the failure that destroys him, but your lack of support and loyalty to him after the failure happens… the most important thing for him after a failure is your being there. He can lose it all, but he can’t lose you, your support and loyalty. He needs to know that you are there no matter what. Men do not want to know that you are only there for what they do, but rather for who they are! He wants you to be there because of him, not what you get from him.

To Make His Wife Happy: This may shock wives, but yes, your husband wants to make you happy… but he does not know how all the time! A man’s heart is to meet the needs and desires of his wife. Wives have to express what they need from their husbands without the overwhelming pressure of perfection. Men have to make an effort and not always wait on their wives to tell them what to do. A man’s greatest disappointment is disappointing the woman he loves.

Love Assignment: Wives this week don’t focus on the faults of your husbands, encourage him even when he fails, and show him tangibly and with words of affirmation that you are loyal and supportive of him. Make your home a castle and safe haven for your husband. Ask him what you can do to make your home better and do it for him. Wives be rest assured that one of your husband’s greatest need and desire is to make you happy. Help him and yourself to get to happiness!

Security/Trust: Women have to know that they are a priority and a purpose in the life of their husbands. Women have to feel needed, taken care of, and provided for by their husbands. Not so much from a monetary sense, but from a sense that your life is more with them in it than it would be without them. A woman has to feel she can trust you and that you will be there no matter what. If she gains 20 pounds, gets wrinkles (aging), gets sick, or whatever calamity that happens a woman has to trust that you are a man of your word and vows.

When you married your wife, you gave her the validation that you wanted to marry her, give her your last name, and spend the rest of your life with her. Women need this validation beyond the wedding day; we have to have it in marriage… to know that we are still the One!

Romance: Women have to hear, “I Love You” and have to have expressions, gifts, and acts of service that express love on a daily basis. Men would be shocked to know that it is not the grand gifts or grand moments, but rather daily thoughtfulness that counts the most. It is the loving intentions of a man to make a woman smile and make her feel loved that matters most.

Love Assignment: Husbands give your wife a day off from domestic (household) chores and duties. Give her a free day. Also, ask your wife what chore you can do to help around the house weekly. Make sure your wife knows you love her and that she is a priority in your life. This week set your schedule around the needs of your wife showing her that she matters most. Always be a man of your word and vows. Be romantic and give gifts and compliments this week. Do something you have never done before this week for your wife.

 

 

Marriage & Relationship Myths

Feb 6, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Myths

Click the Link to Listen to This Great Talk Show:

A Myth is any invented story, idea, or concept. It is an imaginary or fictitious thing or person whose existence is fictional or unproven. It is an unproved or false collective belief that is used to
justify a social institution.

 

 

Relationship Myths

 
1. The 90 Day Rule… “All the Way to The Altar Rule”

2. Cohabitation/Shacking is better… 75% of these couples end in divorce

3. Premarital Counseling is a waste of time and money

4. I will be happy once I get married

5. I should get married because I got pregnant

6. I am lonely so I should get married

7. He/she will change when we get married

8. Sex is greater in dating than in marriage

9. I know they are the one because I just feel it

10. Marriage is for everyone

11. I am over 35, I am never going to get married so I might as well settle for Mr./Mrs. Right Now

12. The man holds all the power to where the relationship is going

13. It is impossible to stay married to the same person for the rest of your life

14. Keeping secrets or not revealing who I really am will help me get married sooner

15. It doesn’t matter that I don’t get along with my girlfriend/boyfriend’s family

16. His or Her jealousy lets me know how much they love me

17. I should be my girl/boyfriend’s only friend and they should spend all their time with me

18. I should be the only woman that he finds attractive

19. It’s ok for the woman to pursue and propose to the man

20. The passion & love we have while dating will never fade, but intensify in marriage

21. I only feel fulfilled as long as I am in a relationship

22. All men are dogs… there are no good men left

23. It’s ok to play games during dating

 

Marriage Myths

 

1. Marriage is an endless supply of sex

2. Marriage is 50/50

3. Marriage is tit-for-tat… it is ok to keep score in marriage

4. Marriage was created to make/keep me happy

5. Don’t go to bed angry… every issue has to be resolved that night

6. We should stay married because of the kids

7. All you need is love to make a marriage work

8. My spouse needs to change, if they changed then our marriage would be great

9. Sex & Money are the #1 reasons why people get divorced… no it is unrealistic expectations and unmet needs/expectations and lack of communication…

10. Cheating or adultery is ok in marriage, it will help my marriage

11. My spouse should just know what I want and need

12. My wife will look like she looked on our wedding day every day of our marriage

13. If I get a divorce, my 2nd marriage will be better… no 2nd marriages are 65% more likely to end in divorce

14. It is ok to tell my marital business to my friends

15. Conflict means we don’t love each other and our marriage is bad

16. Marriage should not be difficult or hard work

17. Just because it is important to me, it should be important to my spouse

18. If I nag him enough he will do what I want him to do

19. Marriage can’t survive infidelity

20. My spouse just has to deal with my bad habits… they knew this about me when they married me

21. You should always feel loving toward your spouse.

22. Love should consistently feel the same way.

Join Us Tonight For The Marriage & Relationship Talk Show!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 5, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Join Us Tonight For The Marriage & Relationship Talk Show!!!!!!!!!!

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Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 3, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series…

BECOMING ONE

 

rings2b1

By: Pastor Tina McCrea

 

The goal in Marriage is more than just living together or being great friends. This dispels the myth that living together (chambering, shacking) is the same as being married.  God designed Marriage for oneness and that is not simply being able to finish each other’s sentences.  Oneness means being in joyful agreement with GOD and each other. It means caring for your spouse as you would for yourself by helping them become the best they can be.  A person must first be one with GOD before they can be one with their mate. Oneness includes but is not limited to sexual intimacy and a committed sexual union reserved only for Marriage. Our culture does not encourage true oneness.  

 

If you are united or one with GOD and the person you are considering marrying is not then you are headed for trouble because oneness is singleness in number and unity.  If you are not one or unified in what you believe about GOD’s Word you are already divided and defeated.  Remember, a man can become one with a harlot through sex but will he commit to her and take her home to meet his mother…. 

 

Becoming one includes sharing money, taking your husband’s name, and submitting to one another.  Becoming one begins on the honeymoon, but it is by no means over on that day.  It requires changing mindsets, attitudes, behaviors, and maybe even belief systems to go from being independent to interdependent.  This requires yielding to one another as well as submitting to one another.  Submission receives a bad rap.  I have been married for 14 years and I encourage women that submission is really liberating because you don’t have to own all of the responsibilities by yourself. 

 

Why was follow the leader so fun when we were kids, but it became painful when we became wives?  Submission does not require either mate to become a doormat.  In fact, you don’t even realize you are doing it if you are concerned with putting Christ and the happiness of your mate first.  Jesus willingly submitted himself to the Father and walked in oneness with Him while on the earth. He never tried to undermined the Father’s authority neither did the Father browbeat him as his leader. Theirs was a symbolism of love as it should be between a husband and wife. Jesus consistently stated, “I and my Father are one.” A Marriage that reflects oneness mirrors the image of Christ and His followers (The Church). 

 

What GOD Has Joined Together

 

“Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

 

Marriage is a spiritual covenant.  It should be entered into with thought, consideration, and much prayer.  This spiritual covenant outweighs emotional and physical attractions.  A spiritual covenant over rules governmental laws and popular public opinions.  GOD is the supreme governor over marriage.  He is a covenant keeper therefore it is better not to make a vow with or before GOD than to make a vow and not keep it.  GOD brought Adam his wife and presented her to Him.  He watched over that relationship and communicated with Adam daily.  I can imagine Adam had conversations with him about his marriage relationship. 

 

The Kingdom of God includes our families. When the Kingdom of God is mentioned people’s minds automatically go to an entity, place, or thing outside of their home.  If you are a part of the Kingdom of God then your family is too.  Change your perspective today about your Marriage and your family.  Speak with the King of the Kingdom who can turn hearts and transform minds even if it starts with yours.

 

People are marrying and given in marriage every day and may even claim that they have a “good marriage” because the law says they can.  The challenge this month is, Is your marriage a God ordained marriage according to the definition of the Holy Scriptures written at the beginning of time and are you enjoying Godly marriage?

 

 

Prayer

 

 

Heavenly Father, thank you for the reminder of what your intent and purpose is for marriage.  Father, forgive us for taking the gift of marriage for granted in our personal relationships and in this world.  Help each person that reads this blog realize that you love them and desire that they enjoy life to the fullest in all areas.  Thank you Father for your forgiveness and for an opportunity today to start anew.  Jesus, let those who are living together unmarried make a decision to honor you and each other by seeking godly counsel and through prayer determine if marriage is the next step they should take or changing their life-style.  Let someone who is considering a same-sex marriage believe the Holy Scriptures and decide to allow the liberating power of Christ make them really and unquestionably free from the lie of Satan 

(John 8:36AMP).  In your precious name, Amen.

Marriage & Relationship Series

Feb 2, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series

What Is Marriage?

 IMG_0220

By: Pastor Tina R. McCrea

 

Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT)

Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.‘ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

 

Imagine if you were the creator of a timeless, miraculous piece of art that cannot be duplicated.  To ensure that the world would understand your intent and purpose for the creation and use of this beautiful art you provided an artifact that protected and governed how the art is to be handled.  Years later a person comes along and designs a distorted replica of what you created, uses the same name as your priceless creation, redefines what you called it, and starts a campaign demanding that the documented governing standard you wrote that has been used for centuries be rewritten to include words they made up.  It sounds insane doesn’t it yet we have seen it happen right before our very eyes as it relates to Marriage and some people have agreed to it by voting yes to same-sex marriages.

Where Did It Begin?

The Messiah faced Pharisees during his day who challenged him on the subject of Marriage.  In His wisdom, Jesus pointed them back to the source and the beginning which was the Holy Scriptures and GOD.

According to the Holy Scriptures, Marriage was created by GOD for a man and a woman.  If He created Marriage, He certainly has the right to define its intent and its purpose and use in the owner’s manual (Darrell Huffman- No Longer Two But One). “Marriage is not a man-made idea so man cannot alter or govern it.” So if a person disagrees with how God intended for His creation to be used they should go to GOD.

 

A Holy Partnership God’s Way

Marriage between a man and a woman is a covenant union established by a man and a woman that reflects the image of GOD’s love.  It is a committed partnership that God designed and takes seriously thus His initial statement in Genesis 2:24 reiterated by the Messiah “…A man will leave is father and mother and cleave (adhere to, cling, be faithful to) his wife (a female partner in a marriage).  A man publically and legally promises to leave his parents faithfully dedicated himself to one woman as his wife.  Some marriages suffer right here because parents especially Mom for men seem to still have top priority in his life.  A man must show his wife that she is his priority and that his loyalty lies with her.  It may not be that your wife doesn’t like your Mom it may be that she doesn’t want to compete with your Mom.  If you have a free moment, think of how you can spend that time with your wife first before calling your parents or your friends.  I sense someone is battling with guilt and that is the reason they are having a hard time cleaving.  Let me help you.  Do you trust and believe that God created you?  Do you feel guilty for having ribs in your body?  No because GOD created you to need your ribs.  Consider your wife as your rib and there is no need to feel guilty about fully enjoying the gift GOD created for you — your wife, your marriage.  TRUST GOD that your parents will be okay without you for a day. You may need to repeat that out loud until you can receive it as truth.

It’s okay to enjoy, cleave to, and be vulnerable with your wife. Genesis 2:21-23

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

“At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,

and flesh from my flesh!

She will be called ‘woman,’

because she was taken from ‘man.’”

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Marriage was intended to be a gift from GOD to a man and a woman from the beginning of time. However leaving and cleaving does not give a wife the license to selfishly demand that her husband never spend time with his parents or even enjoy time with his hobbies or cultivating his personal goals.  Every relationship must have balance. Honoring GOD’s Word by honoring one another reflects his image.

 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank you for the reminder of what your intent and purpose is for marriage.  Father, forgive us for taking the gift of marriage for granted in our personal relationships and in this world.  Help each person that reads this blog realize that you love them and desire that they enjoy life to the fullest in all areas.  Thank you Father for your forgiveness and for an opportunity today to start anew.  Jesus, let those who are living together unmarried make a decision to honor you and each other by seeking godly counsel and through prayer determine if marriage is the next step they should take or changing their life-style.  Let someone who is considering a same-sex marriage believe the Holy Scriptures and decide to allow the liberating power of Christ make them really and unquestionably free from the lie of Satan (John 8:36AMP).  In your precious name, Amen.

 

February 2014 Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 1, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on February 2014 Marriage & Relationship Series…

“How To Build A Love Base Foundation”

 low angle view of a newlywed couple standing together outside a church

Luke 6:48-49 (NLT)

48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

 

 

 

One thing is for sure when it comes to love and marriage, love cannot be bought, it must be built. You absolutely cannot buy love; you must build love within a relationship. In today’s society, many are willing to buy tokens of love and affection versus building a true foundation of love in a marriage. Relationships are in the tug-of-war of buying vs. building. Anyone can buy something, but not everyone is equipped to build. Many are willing to buy, but many are not willing to take the time to build their marriage and relationship continually.

 

 

To build means to construct (especially something complex) by assembling and joining parts or materials: to establish, increase, or strengthen. To build something is to mold, form, or create it. It also means to engage in order to develop something toward a maximum and intense climax.

 

 

Marriage and relationships although complex must be constructed, assembled, and joined together so that the established love between two individuals can increase, strengthen, engage, and develop towards a maximum and intense climax of their being. When a marriage is built, then it is able to achieve the maximum and intense climax of love.

 

 

What are the foundational steps to building a love base marriage? Building a marriage is like building a house or a home. Actually, the two go hand-in-hand. The first step is found in the parable of Luke 6. The first step to building the love base of a marriage is to Dig Deep.

 

Love is not superficial. We must go deep when it comes to love. We must take all the covers off, remove the masks, and get naked and unashamed with one another. Digging deep is allowing your spouse the ability to express themselves and tell of their past without feeling judged. Digging Deep causes you to believe in your spouse no matter what, and to forgive without resentment. Digging deep is the ability to let go of all selfishness and to put the needs of your spouse in a primary position of priority in your life. When digging deep, no subject, issue, or situation should be inaccessible by a spouse, who should be your best friend and confidant.

 

Digging deep is the ability to see the “inner” aspects of all of your spouse’s flaws and imperfections and still find them absolutely amazing. Digging deep allows you to go to an untapped place that no one has ever been within your spouse’s dreams, emotions, passions, and past. You cannot dig deep without hard work and patient time.

 

In the natural, imagine digging a massive hole in your backyard. You get a shovel, and you could be out there for hours or days digging. Digging deep does not happen overnight, it is a process to love, grow, and become more compatible with your spouse. Digging deep does not quit or stop when you come to place that you don’t like about your spouse, but rather you love, challenge, and pray for your spouse to change.

 

Not only do we have to dig deep according to the parable of Luke 6, but we must also build marriages on a solid rock. What are the attributes of Rock Solid Love?

 

 

  • Faith 
  • Honesty 
  • Truth 
  • Integrity 
  • Commitment 
  • Passion 
  • Forgiveness 
  • Patience 
  • Giving 
  • Servitude 
  • Loyalty 
  • Maturity/Growth 
  • Sex 
  • Fun 

 

All relationships will experience hardships, trials, tribulations, and storms, but if that relationship is built on love with solid rock attributes then when issues occur, the relationship will be able to stand firm, because it was well built.

 

If relationships are bought and not built, then they will not be ones that are “dug deep” into passion, trust, loyalty, truth, strength, and love. There will be no foundation because these relationships were bought; they are superficial, non-transparent, & non- committed.

 

To Buy means to acquire the possession of something, or the right to, by paying or promising to pay an equivalent, especially in money; to purchase. It means to acquire by exchange or concession; to hire or obtain the services of; to bribe or corrupt.

 

No person wants to be treated as a possession, but rather as a purpose and priority in a marriage. A relationship based on the “buy” foundation is one of business transactions, and a goods & services partnership… “You do for me then I do for you.” These relationships are score keeping relationships. They are based on an exchange of goods and services, they bribe, corrupt, and they lack true love and intimacy.

 

Therefore, there is no foundation, structure, and nothing about them is fortified. So when the hardships, trials, tribulations, and storms come, these “bought” relationships will collapse into a heap of ruins.

 

Love Building Materials to use this week in order to Dig Deep & Build A Love Base Foundation in Your Marriage!

 

  • Build with your Words…Don’t Destroy! 
  • Build with your Affection! 
  • Build with your Time! 
  • Build with your Acts of Service! 
  • Build with your Sexual Intimacy/Love Making! 

 

 

 

Powerful Prayer Every Tuesday Morning…

Jan 13, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Powerful Prayer Every Tuesday Morning…

Join Me Every Tuesday Morning At 7am (EST) for Powerful Prayer

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