Marriage & Relationship Series…

Feb 7, 2014   //   by Tina McCrea   //   Blog  //  Comments Off on Marriage & Relationship Series…

His Needs Her Needs Pic 2014




His Needs & Her Needs


Today, we will discuss His Needs & Her Needs of marriage. In order for a marriage to be all that it can be and before two individuals can become truly intimate in oneness there must be an understanding of each spouse’s needs, and a willingness to fulfill them.

Now, you and your spouse love one another, but how you arrive at expressing that love and what you need from the love of the marriage is very different. Don’t worry it is supposed to be this way. You and your spouse are inherently different. You have a man and a woman who were raised differently and whose families expressed love in very different ways. These differences don’t have to divide in a marriage, but if celebrated and embraced they can become the glue to keeping you together in a long lasting love affair with one another.

The His & Her Needs that we will discuss come from my own research and those of marriage therapists and various psychologists. I encourage you and your spouse to make your own list and to add to the one we will discuss over the next few weeks.

Often when couples discuss the various aspects of their marriage, they sit and talk with one another as if they were in a board meeting. We need to make marriage fun even when we have to deal with issues in marriage. So, this week when you are going over your list of needs, I want you to stand in the bathroom together in front of the mirror and talk. This is your Love Assignment for the week!


His Needs

Her Needs

Respect Loving Security
Sex Meaningful Communication
Fun/Recreational Time with Wife Affection


His: If you look at the list, you see that the top three (3) needs of each spouse are totally different. Our goal is not to point out the differences, but to focus on meeting our spouse’s needs. First, a man needs Respect. Respect to a man is honor. A man does not always have to feel/be right, but he does have to feel that you believe in him. Respect to a man from you is based in the way you talk to him, treat him in public, and honor him in front of your children. A man does not constantly want to feel challenged in his authority, but rather respected for being a man and especially the head of his household.

Hers: A Woman’s primary need is for her husband to Love her and give her Loving Security. Being loving is kindness, warmth, and heartfelt appreciation of her. A woman has to have security in the love and commitment of her husband in order to be vulnerable and really be able to express herself completely. A woman has to feel loved by her husband; she has to know she is a priority in his life and that he only desires her.

#2 His: Sex! A husband has to have physical connection with his wife on a regular basis. Sexual intimacy makes a husband feel connected to his wife, and this makes him feel loved. This is not only a need, but a deep desire of a husband to have his wife want to be sexual with him and initiate these encounters.

#2 Her: Meaningful Communication! A husband has to communicate with his wife. Not just the run-of-the-mill conversation, but deep meaningful conversation. A wife needs for her husband to open up to her and to initiate these conversations. A wife needs loving words of appreciation from her husband.

#3 His: Fun/Recreational Time with his Wife! A husband needs friendship with his wife. Although his enjoys hanging out with his guy friends, he also desires to spend recreational time with his wife. Men need adventures and they want to have fun with their wives. Wives should show an interest and willingness to learn about the various things that their husbands enjoy. So, the way to his heart is through heart-stopping adventure sometimes.

#3 Her: Affection! Women need non-sexual affection from their husbands. A wife wants hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubs, foot massages, and other tender moments from her husband. A wife needs her husband to appreciate her physically without always expecting sex to be the outcome. A wife wants her husband to make her feel beautiful through affection.

This Week’s Love Assignment: Husbands this week make it all about your wife and shower her with loving security, meaningful communication, and affection! Make sure she knows how much you love and appreciate her. Every day set aside at least 15-30mins and focus on talking with your wife. Every day give her some type of affection either a hug, kiss, foot massage, back rub, and hand holding without any expectation of sex as an outcome.

This Week’s Love Assignment: Wives respect your husband this week, and make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. Find unique ways to honor him this week. No negative comments to him or about him, but only words of affirmation. Even get the kids involved in honoring their father. Wives initiate sex this week with your husband. Do romantic gestures for him, wear his favorite outfit, perfume, and cook his favorite meal. Plan something fun for just the two of you. Get involved and get interested in the sports, tv shows, outings, and adventures your husband enjoys.


His Needs & Her Needs



Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband

(1 Corinthians 7:3 NKJV).


Marriage is not 50/50… it is 100/100! You have to give a hundred percent (100%) in order for marriage to work and for it to be fruitful and satisfying. Even when we go over the list of His Needs & Her Needs this is not a license for you to say, “My Wife didn’t give me sex last night, so I don’t have to give her meaningful conversation and affection today!” Moreover, “My husband didn’t give me loving security so I am definitely not going to have sex with him tonight and meet his needs!” Marriage is Sacrifice; it is sometimes giving when there is nothing given back in return. Marriage is managing and having realistic expectations!

Yes, I am saying that if your spouse does not fulfill your needs, you still have to fulfill theirs. I know that hurts, but how much more will your marriage suffer if both of you gives nothing? Keep loving, praying, and giving to your spouse and being the best example you can be. Soon they will have to return love for love.

If each spouse seeks to meet the other’s needs and not focus on getting his or her own needs met, then marriage would be completely satisfying. Even if your spouse messes up when they are trying to meet your needs still praise their efforts. We are all students of love. No one is an expert, but every day we must be willing to show up and learn more than the day before. From this day forward, express to your spouse your needs, but Focus on meeting their needs.


Love in Marriage is Living Out What You have Learned about your Spouse!


Love Assignment: This week take the conversation outside! Go for a walk, sit on the patio, or do a picnic in the backyard or the park. Get out and talk it out!

His Needs:

  • Domestic Partnership
  • Loyalty/Support
  • To Make His Wife Happy

Her Needs:

  • Domestic Partnership
  • Security/Trust
  • Romance

Domestic Partnership: Many of you probably saw that men and women both want domestic partnership and thought, “we match on something!” Wrong! Yes, we all want the outcome of domestic partnership, but how we get to it as men and women is totally different. A man’s idea of domestic partnership is a well managed home that is clean with well-behaved children. It is a need that a husband comes home to a safe haven (castle), and not a torture chamber.

Now women want the same thing, but not the overwhelming responsibility of having to do it all by themselves. Here lies the difference between the two: men want it, but women feel they have to do it by themselves. So in order to have domestic partnership husbands and wives must work together in managing and achieving a prosperous and peaceful home. Women want men to help and take the initiative to making their home the best it can be by cleaning, cooking, and managing with the kids.



Allow Him to Fail! What? Yes! A man wants to be made to feel he is a man and that means even when he has failed at something. It is not the failure that destroys him, but your lack of support and loyalty to him after the failure happens… the most important thing for him after a failure is your being there. He can lose it all, but he can’t lose you, your support and loyalty. He needs to know that you are there no matter what. Men do not want to know that you are only there for what they do, but rather for who they are! He wants you to be there because of him, not what you get from him.

To Make His Wife Happy: This may shock wives, but yes, your husband wants to make you happy… but he does not know how all the time! A man’s heart is to meet the needs and desires of his wife. Wives have to express what they need from their husbands without the overwhelming pressure of perfection. Men have to make an effort and not always wait on their wives to tell them what to do. A man’s greatest disappointment is disappointing the woman he loves.

Love Assignment: Wives this week don’t focus on the faults of your husbands, encourage him even when he fails, and show him tangibly and with words of affirmation that you are loyal and supportive of him. Make your home a castle and safe haven for your husband. Ask him what you can do to make your home better and do it for him. Wives be rest assured that one of your husband’s greatest need and desire is to make you happy. Help him and yourself to get to happiness!

Security/Trust: Women have to know that they are a priority and a purpose in the life of their husbands. Women have to feel needed, taken care of, and provided for by their husbands. Not so much from a monetary sense, but from a sense that your life is more with them in it than it would be without them. A woman has to feel she can trust you and that you will be there no matter what. If she gains 20 pounds, gets wrinkles (aging), gets sick, or whatever calamity that happens a woman has to trust that you are a man of your word and vows.

When you married your wife, you gave her the validation that you wanted to marry her, give her your last name, and spend the rest of your life with her. Women need this validation beyond the wedding day; we have to have it in marriage… to know that we are still the One!

Romance: Women have to hear, “I Love You” and have to have expressions, gifts, and acts of service that express love on a daily basis. Men would be shocked to know that it is not the grand gifts or grand moments, but rather daily thoughtfulness that counts the most. It is the loving intentions of a man to make a woman smile and make her feel loved that matters most.

Love Assignment: Husbands give your wife a day off from domestic (household) chores and duties. Give her a free day. Also, ask your wife what chore you can do to help around the house weekly. Make sure your wife knows you love her and that she is a priority in your life. This week set your schedule around the needs of your wife showing her that she matters most. Always be a man of your word and vows. Be romantic and give gifts and compliments this week. Do something you have never done before this week for your wife.



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